Achilles

Hey, did I tell you about the time I went on a date with the Statue of Achilles? Well, you know the Statue of Achilles in Hyde Park? Well I was walking past him the other day and he came to life and stepped down onto the ground and put out his hand to me. I really liked him because he is really muscley and naked and 17 foot tall, so we tried to do it on the grass but he was too big so instead we went round the corner to The Hard Rock Café. I couldn’t eat anything there because I am a vegan, but he had a burger and a banana milkshake. He talked while he ate, but I didn’t mind because he is really clever because he’s from Ancient Greece. I didn’t think we would have much to talk about because he’s so much older than me (3000 years) but we still had loads in common like being sporty and loving our dads and being nearly immortal. But at the end of the meal Achilles yawned and said he better be off, I invited him back to mine (I am quite forward when I like someone) but he said there was no point because he was too big to do it to me. I suggested that we could just cuddle, but he said we could do that just as well at his, so we walked back to Hyde Park and he unanimated or re-ossified and I held on to his leg all night long because I loved him and I didn’t care that I looked like a bloody idiot.